So here we are, starting over again. One. More. Time.
It’s been months since I last showed up here and a lot has changed. I have to say, it was kind of nice to go back and read the other posts where I spoke of the struggles with my father and his health. Unfortunately, he passed away on June 9th and I have been a mess since. My dad was my best friend in the whole world the moment I entered it. We were inseparable. The loss of his presence in my life has been….well I’m not really sure still. I would describe it as similar to phantom limb sensations. My dad was just – part of me.
Since he passed – the only way I’ve been able to avoid nightmares that tend to involve him, is to drink a little too much. As a result, I don’t sleep, I don’t exercise, and I make all of the worst decisions someone could make. Which brings me to my next point…
I am NOW the heaviest I have been in…I’m afraid to look, but it appears to be May 2016. My clothes are all tight. I look and feel horrible. Running and exercising are EXHAUSTING. I am miserable, inside and out. But the time for me to dwell feels like it might be coming to an end. I’ve realized that the best way I could honor my dad is to live my life. Be healthy. Have fun (something he told me at least once a day, even about the most ridiculous things – like going to the grocery store…..). I must enjoy the time I have remaining, whatever that might be. Life can be cruel and living in the past will get you nowhere.
To try to help with the healing, I have started drawing again. It has been therapeutic for sure. I have opened a Threadless shop (link at the top, and here https://artbykim.threadless.com/). I’m going to be working on getting some new designs up weekly, including some related to this blog venture. I have so many other plans too! It’s why I have to start being better. I won’t accomplish my dreams living every day like I couldn’t care less.
Starting tomorrow (I operate better starting on Sundays) I will be tracking my calories again and trying to make a real effort to live healthier, get back in shape, and be better. I will try to post weekly updates again and will occasionally include some additional grief-related posts. I hope that if someone else is experiencing a similar situation they will find some hope or encouragement.
Until next week….have fun.
